Repent Sinner

Rodeo cowboys are notorious for their practical jokes. Pranks are a way of life and most of them are fun if a little over the top. Revenge can be equally over the top so the prank war becomes a never-ending friendly feud.

It’s even worse in our family because my children were raised on wholesome mother’s milk and weaned on warped humor.

Will and I were out one Sunday morning and decided to swing by Brandon’s trailer to see if he wanted to go out to breakfast. His pickup and a cute little compact car were parked in front of the trailer. This meant one of two things, Brandon had a rodeo cowboy bunking with him or he had a girlfriend. This isn’t unusual as cowboys often stay with each other or a cowboy’s family when in town. It’s also not unusual to have a girl spend the night, but their private lives are theirs and I don’t interfere…much.

I assessed the situation. If it was a cowboy, he might appreciate breakfast, but he would probably appreciate sleep more. If it was a girl, she probably would be embarrassed to have me show up on the doorstep.

“Let’s shoe polish their outfits,” I said to Will.

Will, being very familiar with Brandon’s long memory and level of revenge, wisely opted out of the fun.

I went to the local convenience store, bought some shoe polish and returned. The car wasn’t hard as it was small and I could easily write across the windows. The pickup was another matter. It was taller and I am short. I tried to get Will to help me up on the truck, but he wouldn’t even do that. Did I mention he has a healthy respect for Brandon?

I finally crawled up on the pickup hood and wrote “Repent Sinner!” all over the windshield and windows just as I had the car. I’m not sure why that particular phrase caught my attention, but it did.

Brandon, being Brandon, assumed one of his rodeo buddies had done the deed even though all of them denied it. He decided since none of them would fess up, he would just get them all and make sure he got the right one. It’s called a scorched earth policy.

He was at the house a few weeks later and I let something slip. His eyes narrowed. “Were you at the trailer a few weeks ago on a Sunday morning?”

“I might have been.”

“It was you!”

Will’s eyes widened. “I had nothing to do with it.”

Brandon watched me for a while and then said, “That would have been the perfect trick if you hadn’t given yourself away. I already nailed Shrek for it.”

I shrugged. Poor Shrek, he was always getting tricks pulled on him. Shrek was a very large, but mostly amiable bull fighter. Luckily, Brandon was concentrating on riding bareback horses or Shrek might have let him hang and rattle a bit longer on a bull after some of the stunts Brandon pulled on him.

“Did your girl think it was funny?” I asked.

“Not really. She freaked out. I haven’t seen her since.”

“Why would she freak out? It’s just shoe polish.”

“She’s a preacher’s daughter. She thought a parishioner caught her.”

Will laughed and assured Brandon again he had nothing to do with it.

“She really was cute.” Brandon tapped his fingers on the table a bit, deep in thought. “I’m impressed. I didn’t think you had it in you.”