Martha and Tilley at Moonrat’s Party

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In case you missed it, Moonrat is having a party. Stop by and say hi to her.

Martha peered in the screen door at her friend, who was hunched over with her head on the kitchen table. She better not be dead. “Tilley, what are you doing?”

Tilley lifted her head and went to open the door. She waved her into the kitchen and poured her a cup of coffee. “I just got the new issue of Duds For Studs and I was looking it over.”

Martha sat down at the table and wrinkled up her nose. “Did you burn some chocolate?”

“Chocolate?” Tilley sniffed the air. “I don’t think so.” She got up and checked the stove. “No, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t cooking anything.”

Martha continued sniffing the air. “I’m sure I smell burned chocolate.”

Tilley giggled. “I know what it is. They have some new edible underwear in there for guys and it has scratch and sniff pictures. I guess I got a little carried away with the chocolate thong.”

Martha slid the catalogue over to her and smelled the picture, which had been scratched so much the coloring was nearly gone. “Why is this wet?”

Tilley blushed a pretty shade of pink that complemented her blue hair quite nicely. “Oh, I was just thinking while I was sniffing that I guess.”

Martha rolled her eyes. “How’s your boob lift fund going?”

Tilley sighed. “Still short. I guess I’m going to have to start babysitting.” She lifted her boobs up and readjusted the waistband on her stretch pants.

Martha genuflected. “It’s not quite that bad. I got us another gig with those literary people. Some gal named Precie was looking for servers at a party for an Editorial Ass.”

Tilley tapped the table with her fingertips and puckered up her mouth. “Muttonchops is having another party so soon?”

“No, no. He’s just an ass. Well, I guess he’s supposed to be an editor too, but this one is named Editorial Ass.”

Martha and Tilley arrived at the party thirty minutes early as instructed. They walked over to where the organizers were discussing how to arrange glasses at the bar.

“Ah, ladies,” Precie said. “This is Chris, Ello and Cindy.” Then she pointed at Martha and Tilley. “The employment agency assured me they have experience serving at literary parties. This is Martha and Tilley.”

Martha looked at the one named Ello who was dancing around in her Miss Piggy costume. “Hamlet, I presume?”

They took off their trench coats. The pig stopped dancing. The blonde named Chris, stumbled and clutched at the table for support.

Cindy pointed at the red “H” on Martha’s properly uplifted bosom. “Is that a religious symbol?”

“It’s the scarlet letter,” Martha replied. “I’m Hester Prynne.”

The organizers stared at them. “I think the letter was supposed to be “A,” one of them finally said.

Tilley took the coats. “Told you they didn’t call her a ho.”

Martha adjusted her fishnet stockings and straightened the apron on her mini skirt costume. “I couldn’t find any nice pilgrim high heels, but these had cute little buckles.”

The women nodded, still obviously in awe.

Tilley returned and fixed the headband stretched around her permed helmet hair. “I’m Pocahontas. We decided to go kind of Thanksgiving.” She straightened the fringe on her leather thong and shifted her boobs around so they hung evenly over the beaded belt.

Miss Piggy was trying to resume her little dance for the arriving guests, but she missed a step every time she caught sight of Martha and Tilley. They smiled and waved at her as she danced into a knot of guests around the punchbowl.

“What are we supposed to do?” Tilley asked.

Martha shrugged. “It’s a moon rat party. I guess we just find a rat and moon them.”

“How do we know who’s a rat?’

“We better play it safe and moon everyone. Let’s start with the gal at the karaoke machine.”

This Post Has 14 Comments

  1. Tara Parker

    I think this should be labeled “Not Safe For Work”, as I just choked on my sausage, egg and cheese croissant because I was laughing so hard!

    I am so glad to see Martha and Tilley, but these visuals are permanently burned into my brain now.

    I’ll have to go look at puppies or something to clear my head or I’ll be erupting into hysterical fits of laughter all day long!

    Thank you!

  2. Precie

    Bhahahahaha!!! Now it’s a party!

  3. Lottery Girl

    Hello Julie!

    My name is Stephanie and I usually go to Surrey but had to miss this year. Beth told me of the lovely successes you had at the conference, and I just wanted to drop you a line and tell you congrats! I wish I could have met you myself!

    Your blog is terrific, BTW. Lovely post about saying goodbye to your son.

  4. Sheila Lamb

    I love Martha and Tilley! I bet they were the hit of the party 😉

  5. cindy

    hahaha! that was so funny! i can’t believe i’ve not stumbled on your blog before. loved the story. and i do point at random properly lifted bosoms–they are to point at, no? =D

  6. Julie Weathers

    Tara, oops. Sorry about you choking on breakfast. Martha and Tilley are just horrible women. What can I say?

    Glad you stopped by.

  7. Julie Weathers

    Precie, yes, indeed. Martha and Tilley love these literary parties.

  8. Julie Weathers

    Sarah, thanks for stopping by. I do love to play with my two old ladies. Maybe someday I will write a mystery with them or something.

  9. Julie Weathers

    Hey, Merry, long time no see.

    I’m glad you enjoyed Martha and Tilley. I love any excuse to drag them out.

  10. Julie Weathers

    Hey, Cindy. You all are so awesome. I love all the things you do to promote writers and writer groupies like agents and editors.

    Yes, I do believe properly uplifted bosoms are to be pointed at. Unfortunately, mine haven’t been pointed at for a long time. sigh

  11. Beth

    Snerk, snorfle, gasp.

    Particularly loved the bit about the scarlet letter.

    And hello, Cyn! Nice to see you here. Julie has been my good friend for many long years.

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