I posted my query exercise on Merry Monteleone’s site, which can be found in the side bar. After much good advice, I think I’m getting closer. Agent Kristen, who is also in the side bar, also has a lot of good advice about query letters.
My thanks to all the commenters and especially to Merry for hosting the exercise.
Dear Perfect Agent,
(Personalized introduction to agent.)
PALADIN’S PRIDE is complete at XXX words and it’s the first in a series.
Gentyl just wants to be a Horse Guard, but her dream fades, when her commander assigns her to wizard watch. Keeping an eye on a senile wizard with a talent for irritating nobles, botching spells and blowing things up won’t qualify her for the elite horse unit.
She learns Marak isn’t as addled as he wants people to believe, when he recruits her to help him solve the murder of the king’s last personal guard and the only remaining witness to the king’s disappearance. They discover the charismatic holy man cured the dying infant prince, but he isn’t who he says he is. Even they don’t realize Brother Timmons is an arch demon in human form, who was sent to gain the confidence of the young queen, however. With the king gone and the queen under the demon’s influence, a bloody civil war and genocide that will destroy Gentyl’s people grows closer.
I was a staff writer for Speedhorse Magazine for seventeen years. During that time, I wrote weekly stories about Quarter Horse, Paint and Appaloosa racing in the United States , Canada and Mexico. I also wrote several stories about the history of various tracks and articles about equine health.