Boobs

Boobs. Apparently America has an obsession with them that goes past the normal, healthy guy thing. CBS had to explicitly define a dress code regarding boobs at the Grammys, not that some people listened to it. Personally, had I been CBS, anyone who disregarded the dress code they would not have been allowed in nor given any publicity, but that’s me.

It’s bad enough that so many celebrities regardless of age, young or old, need to flash their boobs for attention. What about wanna be celebrities like, oh, I don’t know, aspiring writers?

Pshaw. No one would be silly enough to do that.

“Oh, yes they would, Precious,” in my best Gollum voice.

I was doing some chores at the desk a few days ago and decided to follow along on a twitter writer’s chat. So, I’m half paying attention when WonderWanda joins the chat. Her avatar is of her looking up, the camera looking down at her ample, highly pushed up, barely, barely, barely covered boobs. She completes the come hither look with her Betty Page wig and bright red lips.

I click on her to read about her. Surely this isn’t an agent, editor or published author. She’s an author. She’s published three books.

The hell?

I’m curious as to what she writes and who publishes her because she’s now making some very authoritative statements as well as asking some extremely basic questions. Aha, yes, she is published. She’s also in her 40’s or 50’s with a litter of children and a bit of middle-aged spread. Some of her other avatars include her in a porn plaid school girl outfit with her blouse ripped open, fishnet stockings, platform heels and a wide-eyed “Oh dear, my boobs have escaped and I don’t know whatever to do” look.

A bit more investigation and I see that her publisher is actually a self-publishing outfit. I tab back to the agent chat and she’s asking agents if they are interested in xyz erotic novel with an abc heroine.

Someone advises her that’s it’s considered bad form to pitch agents on social media unless expressly invited to do so. She responds she’s a published writer and she knows what she’s doing.

I chalk it up to one boob with boobs.

Oh, no, mon ami. We have more.

The next one, thankfully, at least loses the Betty Page wig. She has, instead, neon yellow hair and, color me shocked, a shot of the camera looking down at her boobs while she smiles up.

Someone is now talking about expectations of writers after they sell a first book. Another conversation is going about what is most difficult as a writer. She doesn’t have any difficulty with characters, plot, pacing, dialogue or action. She’s finished her first novel and her publisher loves it so much they want to do a trilogy and maybe more!

As for expectations and is it difficult to live up to them after the first book? Well, of course not, her first book was fabulous, so no one can even comprehend how great the second one will be.

We have an experienced novelist who graces us peons with her presence and shares her knowledge because she has already finished a fabulous novel. While she has nothing more to learn, she’s happy to help us.

Oh, and her vaunted publishing house? They started up the end of 2012, have two clients and such a rough blurb about their company it was all I could do to not take a red pen to my screen.

I’ve been thinking about this a bit. I’ve actually considered either creating a separate persona for professional social media and another for when I want to discuss politics or something that doesn’t pertain to writing, or just quitting social media all together. I’m still debating that. Suffice to say for now, I think a writer, one who wishes to be a professional writer, should have some kind of standard.

Therefore, here is mine:

1. I shall post no avatars of my boobs, butt or other more intimate body parts. Believe me, you will thank me for this later.
2. I shall not tell everyone to listen to me because I am published and I know what I’m talking about if my publisher is me or a vanity press.
3. I will not spend time in agent talks trying to convince people how sexy I am. I may after I get the racing stripes on my walker, but not yet.
4. I will not post anything that will make an agent or editor wonder if I have lost my rabid rabbit mind. Well, not too often anyway.
5. I will not be rude to agents, writers, editors or anyone else in these little chats because I think being published by Johnny Jump Up Journalistic Endeavors gives me the right to be an egomaniac. If I am rude, it will be for a different reason entirely.